Be Free...

 I look into your eyes, and I see your pain. You have so much to lose but nothing to gain. I see you getting tired of life and tired of yourself. Your love life is like a knife repeatedly stabbing you in your back. Slowly dying inside and there seems to be no help in sight. I see you spending your nights crying but I'm here to tell you don't give up, keep trying. Many people are suffering like you, and we should all stop playing the fools. Fate is on our side we just all need to open our eyes. We need to stop trying to rush destiny, because it can all end in tragedy.  Patience is the key, to open the door and be free. 

Independence

 5/17/01

Be an independent woman and he will see you; He will know if he loses you, he will lose something great. Not that you have become a threat. If he thinks that way, he isn't the man for you at all. He will just be waiting for you to take a fall. He should admire and worship the ground you walk on. He should be there applauding your success and watching you shine. You should be his star; his Queen and he would never want to be apart. He should always work hard even if you got your own, so he doesn't become the dependent one. Some men like an independent woman to only want to use them, faking love to only confuse you, but deep down inside he only wants to abuse you. That is what a weak man becomes, when being with an independent one. Independence can be powerful and a curse at the same time. Men can't handle seeing a women shine. They can't handle her strength or her rare kind. They want to be the only beast and kings of the jungle. So, they want to watch you struggle, to plead and cry for their help and still watch you crumble. Stay Independent not ever co-dependent, stay strong in what you believe so you can achieve all your dreams without that so called king. 

No-more Any-more!!!

 Poem I wrote 5/17/01

As soon as he walks out the door you start to worry and knowing when he comes back you will have to confront him, and all he will say is I'm sorry. Why do tears fall down your face when all you will do in the end is stay? All the pain in your heart, all the tears running down your face, because you know your soon to fall apart. All these feelings you can't control while crying on the bedroom floor, because he's everything you love and adore. Is it that he was your first love? Is it because you have a baby or because he drives you crazy? I know this pain because I share them as well, and boy do I have stories to tell. Blinded by love I have picked the wrong ones so many times before. Guided by my heart and not thinking with my head. Never really listening to what my mom said, the warnings she begged me to see, and I would just tell her to let me be. My advice is always try abiding by what the wise people are telling you. They are only trying to warn you from what they already know too well. You can see it in their faces, but you can never tell. They live so graciously still with love and smiles on the daily, giving hearts you would never think they carried so much hurt. Let me be like them when I grow up Lord! I could only hope to be so strong and still spread love with all my fails. Stop listening to the lies, the emotional abuse he causes you, and start hearing and feeling your ancestor's pain. The scars you cannot see, because they mask them so well, but boy do they have stories to tell. I can only hope to be so brave, and strong to remain here long enough to be an inspiration to the innocent and naive. I only hope you will listen and heed my warnings to you. Just like once they tried to do, but I ended up playing the fool. 

Love, Betrayal, pain and lies...

 Poem I wrote in 5/17/01

For some love is a wonderful thing like a rainbow full of colors and beautiful dreams. For other's it can be painful, hurtful a nightmare, they can't wake up from or even runaway from. Some wake up with hopes of a better future, and continued faith in love and well who knows what the future holds. Our lives are filled with new beginnings and stories yet untold and then they begin to unfold. Some are lessons and trails sent from a higher power, to see how you build or tear down your tower. Some stories have happy ending's some just end, but they Alway's seem to teach us something about us within. I once knew this couple who had a love so great, well at least that was the expression on their face, hardly disagreeing, never a fight. Everything in their lives seemed so great. They had a child they loved so much but for some reason they had fallen apart. Nobody could believe the betrayal and lies one had caused the other without a suspicion in sight. Yea she was the type to flirt but everyone just took it as a simple joke. She was flirty and shy all at the same time, nobody expected the betrayal she had to hide. Nobody thought she would ever say goodbye and leave that great love behind. As he went looking for her and saw all her belongings gone, not even a letter to explain what was going on. Goodbye would've been helpful but how could she tell him she was leaving him for her brother- N- law that was more than hurtful it's more than shameful. Even though she did it anyway, without a care of how much the family would hate her. She loved him and ran away with him and to her sister it wasn't fair, but I guess she didn't care. She didn't care because she had hopes of a better life and a greater love. Nobody Know's why people do what they do for love. Or why they hurt the one's they once loved. Love fades I guess, but one thing that doesn't is shame. To have to carry that in life is hard and the consequences are sometimes large. She did suffer a lot after that, and eventually died young leaving her kids with her new lover. Be careful in your love choices and your new stories that you begin to unfold not all have a fairytale ending's some are best left untold.