No gift for this B-----

Happy Holiday's, and I mean that with all sincerity, but I just had to come on here to release some of these emotions I have before I have a mental breakdown. I mean come on another year, no gifts from not one soul!!! not my boyfriend, a friend, or family, that really can put someone in an emotional state. Last few year's this happened I would really just lash out, be angry and do some crazy thing's. This year I'm just quite, numb and I think just over it. I know I don't want to keep my emotions bottles up though so here I am. Christmas day in my bed writing it getting it all out, so I can just move on. Plus I did a little on-line shopping for myself so it's all good, but it's really not. I start again bringing myself down and blaming myself for mot receiving a dam thing. Maybe everyone is right about me, maybe I am a hateful, angry, bitter b**** that doesn't deserve even coal. I don't take s*** from nobody so I guess that's what I get. Maybe they are right but one thing I do know is Jesus loves me, and It's not about the gift's, It's about him and the day he was born. Born and died for our sin's and that is the greatest gift of all. I know that everything I feel doesn't matter what matters is that I stay true to myself, that I love myself and celebrate myself, because he died on that cross for us all. I need nothing more but his love and his light. I grab on to that and my faith in times like this. I have to or I go more into the darkness. I say love sucks, and it does, but the love of my god never does and that's all that matters. I guess when you keep forgiving people for treating you a certain way they do continue to treat you the same way. Sometimes worse every year that passes. no cake for your birthday or gift's during the holiday's it really does suck. God kept forgiving us and loving us, and every year we keep sinning against him, and he still remains a loving and merciful father. I can only do the same, so it's ok if I didn't get nothing this year again, that's just how some people are. I know I don't have to keep accepting it, and forgiving how people treat me, but I will stay strong, and remain a forgiving and loving soul. No matter what people think of me, I know my truth and I know my heart.